Learning and Leaning

I learn something new each day as I learn to lean on my Heavenly Father for my day to day existence. Look at the similarity between these two words. The only difference is one letter - you go from lean, add an r and you are learning as you lean. Are you with me?

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I am learning as I lean - when I awake each morning I awake physically to a cat that is becoming very large and lazy - Mrs Bennet fills her role perfectly in our family. She has helped take away the physical loneliness of going to bed by myself when the quiet would over take me and sorrow and self-pity would descend and upon waking up she is close by with her motor running, ready and happy to see me. Silly cat, I am thankful for her.

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Spiritually, I have known that I am not alone, but truly that even brought on new meaning once my sweet prince died. I struggled greatly and still do to a certain degree on praying, discerning and being obedient to my Heavenly Father who in Isaiah is told to now be my husband.

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Isaiah 54:4-5:
4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
5 For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

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I am learning to go to Him for things big and small, to have time with, to talk to - but unlike my sweet prince - my Heavenly Father does not vocally speak to me. It is a new journey to truly have my spiritual eyes and ears attuned to His will. There are many verses that strengthen me and I also have learned to lean on His Word for my instruction. When I don't or go to long without my life begins to reflect this in big and small ways. This verse in John that Jesus spoke is one of many reassuring promises.

John 8:29

And he that sent me is with me: the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him.

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I am not alone, I still have a purpose, I still have children counting on me to lead them - I am learning as I lean that there is not much room or time for self-pity. When I was one flesh with my sweet hubby it was easier than I ever realized - how I would love to have his word of confirmation or decision on our daily life again. Yet I cannot linger or get caught up in "wishing" - I have my Heavenly Father to guide me AND I do have the blessing of having had a strong husband who had an outgoing personality and we were communicative in our marriage so that if I take the time to focus and think, I normally can be assured of what he might do. My Savior is so faithful about taking away my doubts and fears.

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God also places people in our lives that we can go to for wisdom, prayer and encouragement. I have those also, one being my husbands father. I see so many similarities between father and son over the years and I am blessed to have him in my life to counsel me. His age puts him above anyone else I would choose and then his closeness with my hubby as his son - puts him in a category alone. I also have a few other men in my family as well that I have been able to talk to right down to asking how to winterize my lawn mower. I am thankful for each.

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I can't forget my sweet son-in-love either whom is raising his family alongside mine. He and my oldest daughter have "adopted" me and have told me I will always have a home with them as long as I walk this pilgrimage. He does so much and is a true son of my heart and I know I can count on him as well.

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I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and the role that He has in my life. I have no desire to remarry - if you knew my husband you know that God broke the mold after creating him and yes, he had his flaws just as you and I do, but unless God would hit me over the head with a HUGE two x four and put me on an episode of the Twilight Zone, I can't imagine a life with anyone else save my children and family. Even though he has been in Heaven for over 15 months I am still very in love with him and miss him tremendously. He was my sweet prince and in my heart that says it all ♥

Colossians 4:6

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.