Thoughts.....

My sweet prince on his birthday, May of 2009, the year he passed away. 

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27 years ago today I became a bride! I was 19 years old and had been engaged to my sweet prince for over a year.  It was a hot and very humid day in central Indiana that Saturday.  The church we were married in had no AC - it was a huge, old and ornate building. 

We were married in the afternoon.  Our wedding guests filled the church to capacity - I believe there were around 350 people there. We had beautiful music....a talented piano player, my cousin Ruth who played the trumpet, an acoustical guitar and then my most favorite musical performance that day was when my to be husband sang a song to me by Don Francisco, titled "I Could Never Promise You". 

We had four attendants each - I chose pastels for my wedding.  Each bridesmaid and the maid of honor were in their own "color". We had lavender, peach, mint green and a pale yellow.  The groomsmen and best man wore matching ties and cummerbund.  

I can remember the poor groomsmen and my sweet husband sweating profusely! Complements of an August wedding date.

That day when I was preparing to say my wedding vows and make this commitment to another person in front of God, our family, friends and become "one-flesh" - I was definitely thinking of the future.  It was all about the future.....my future with him by my side....where would we live, would we have children, where would he become pastor, what will it be like to spend the rest of my life with this man I loved more and differently than anyone on this earth.....I was excited, thrilled, anxious and so many other emotions rolled into one.

Cherish, honor, obey, love during sickness and in health......you know the vows, and then the end....until death do you part.

Truly, who is thinking about those last few words? Not me.

Perfection would of course to die at the same time and in the same way as our spouses, right?  Its not a normal everyday thought to worry or imagine what life would be without he or she.

Reality however is that one person, husband or wife will survive the other by some span of time.  

I was honored to be his wife for 23 years.....God says that was His plan and who am I to argue against that?  I just recently reread the book of Job.....I cannot contend with God and His power and might, knowledge or wisdom.  I have accepted that this is my reality, my Lord and Savior has been with me every minute of my existence and has never failed me.  I have failed Him - but He tells me He loved me even when I was a sinner.....wow, how amazing is that.  

My Lord is faithful, caring, loving, He sustains me and my family.  

The first anniversary without my sweet prince was difficult to say the least, the next was hard, the next bittersweet and that is where it still seems today, my fourth August 16th without him next to me in physical presence.  He is however alive and living in my memory and that is precious.  

If you are reading this, I pray the Lord fills you with a renewed since of appreciation for your spouse and your marriage - I pray God strengthens you in the weak spots and shows forth His light to bless both you and your spouse as you honor Him and put Him first.  Don't do this out of fear of losing your spouse someday, but let it come from a grateful heart for what you have right now, this very moment.

I am grateful for my memories today.