Another first.....

Even almost five years after losing my sweet prince I find myself experiencing another "first" without him.  I had noticed my emotions being quite, well, I will say ridiculous lately.  My mind seems scattered and tears are unwelcomed but frequent visitors to my eyes over the most foolish of things.

I had a friend remind me that I had not yet gone through planning a wedding of one of our children without him beside me and all the sudden, so many things made sense.  Not that I will use that as an excuse to be weepy or quiet, but that reminder helped me understand better why I had been struggling and looking at it from that perspective I can better comprehend and the battlefield is leveled.  My faithful Father is so good to me in many, many ways.

He is my support and my very strong tower, we are to run to Him and His Word daily.

I am thankful for my friends and family who lovingly and patiently gather around me in prayer and time spent in talking and just being together.

A couple of weeks ago I received a text from my 27 year old son asking what I was doing - I told him and he said knowingly that he thought I may have been taking a nap (a known activity for me on the weekends), I told him I had decided to make cheese instead - I then asked him what he was doing.  He told me he was going to come over and have a talk with me.  I teased him and said, "uh oh, have I been bad?" And he told me he would find out.

He came over and we went downstairs where his brothers had a nice fire going and we chatted for over an hour.  He basically wanted to see how I was doing with everything.  How am I doing as the wedding approaches. I did get weepy a few times and we talked about how things were when he was courting his wife, my 24 year old daughter.  We talked about the rough times and how the Lord helped us all through it - and I told him Dad was such a vital part of helping me through that time because even though I was not on board with them getting married so soon he said that he never knew that and I was able to be loving and supportive - I explained that was because Dad helped me to focus on things above and the Lord helped me.  He told me that he understood that and knowing I didn't have Dad to talk to wanted to check on me and wanted me to know I could talk things out with him. He told me I have and will have many boys (sons) who love me. I was humbled and still am by the love of God shown to me through my children, each one of them.  Their love, kindness, gentleness and willingness to give me some of their time in letting me TALK things out and just listening and praying for me, helping me in any way they possibly can.  We then talked about him and how things were going with his young family - he shared and I listened and now I can better pray for them.  It was my turn to listen and to encourage and praise how he and my daughter are desiring to raise their family.  What joy that time was, what a treasure to my mother's heart.  And such an encouragement.  His wife, my 24 year old daughter is one of my sounding boards - we have always had such a close relationship - and now that she is a wife and mother, our relationship has grown and deepened into a treasured friendship as well - it is a blessing I cannot put words to.  She welcomes me daily into her home, texts me, hugs me, loves me and puts up with my forgetful mind, - she is always doing small labors of love that seem to be big to me but she would tell you it was no big deal.  I praise God for each of them, my love for them runs deep.

I have another set of adult children the Lord brought into my life just a couple of weeks before my sweet prince died - this family the Lord has weaved into our family as if we have known each other forever.  I gained a son, a daughter and now seven more grandchildren.  Again, their home is open to me, whenever I may need it - my 30 year old girl has told me more than once I do not need an invitation I am always welcome to come over.  The love and support they shower upon me builds me up and encourages me in so many ways.  Their little ones make Grammy feel so special. This daughter too is a sounding board for me and is bold and blunt in her opinions and advice.  Just what we all need.  I praise God for each of them and my love for them runs deep.

Then I have my children who are still in my home - oh, how loved I am and how happy I am to see all of my children loving the Lord, each other and desiring to do what is right in the sight of God.  None of us in this family are perfect, we have so much to learn and learn it on each other most of the time!!  Then patience is required and longsuffering - we all make mistakes but at the end of the day we are secure in the gift of Christ and His love for us and in the love we have for one another, endeavoring to keep unity and peace among us. I praise God for each of them and my love for them runs deep.

Oh, and I have not mentioned the son the Lord will bless me with in the coming weeks.  My future son in law who will become my son is a blessing and so is each of his family members.  I am continually amazed at how the Lord works and builds families.  It takes work and effort though to blend and become family - so many different personalities that we each have and learning to love and accept each others faults and recognizing our own.....continually we need to remember to die to self and look at our own self in the mirror before passing judgment on others.  My future son in law is a treasure and I am thankful for him and look forward to witnessing how the Lord will use he and my daughter to His glory in the coming years.  I am thankful for his precious family who, even before courtship were like family to us.

If I can sum this post up in one word it would be
thankfulness.

I am thankful.

Always remember to run to the shelter and loving arms of our Savior - He is always there ready to hold. And remember also to love and do for others without selfish ambition - sacrificing our time for another is our reasonable service - think of how Christ loved.  I think of the time when the disciples rebuked the little children as if the Savior did not have time for them, but indeed, he said let the little children come - so give to others your time, words, love and attention - it will be such a blessing to that person and to you and most importantly to our Heavenly Father. I am so thankful for the sacrifice of my Heavenly Father, who gave His own son for me and you, my love for HIM runs deep, I pray yours does as well ♥