Routine

The Lord is helping me find a routine that works for me at night.....one that helps me wind down, sleep and not feel so alone. I find when I deviate from it the results are not good!

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The night that my sweet prince died I slept on a twin mattress that someone put into our room. All the kids piled around and some on our bed. I NEVER slept in our bed without him. I couldn't. That is a separate post that I wrote earlier on this journey. I remember once coming home from a church cook out about a week after his funeral and escaping upstairs....I laid on his side of the bed, hugged his pillow and sobbed. I laid there in the dark for quite a while. But I never slept again in that bed without him.

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The kids and I slept like that for a few nights then being in our room became unbearable as well so I moved in with one of my girls....the rest of the kids followed and camped out on the floor in there also and we did that for weeks.

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The routine I established early on was to be as exhausted as I could before going to bed....I would then still read out of the Bible.....always....I needed it. Some nights I would sleep. Also, early on I slept better on nights I physically exercised.....I would push myself but it was good for me.

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I eventually relocated to our room, new bed and some minor remodeling to make it smaller, repainted and soon I longed to be there and alone with God to establish my new routine. I like routine. I tried out a few and failed in some areas.....it was not a good idea to bring my laptop upstairs with me. I ended up staying up way past my tired point and then found myself up til 2 or 3 every night. I couldn't keep up with that. I just DREADED going upstairs to face the loneliness, I feel his absence most at night.

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I finally did some LISTENING and realized that if I stayed up past 10 that meant I was most likely to have a long night. So I set my alarm on my cell phone for 9:30 - my goal was that I be IN BED by the time it went off. I seem to be making that about 50% of the time......if I am not in bed at the time it goes off it is a good reminder to "put a wiggle" in things and to make sure I am beginning my night time routine QUICKLY. Another thing I heard was that I could NEVER go without reading out of God's word.....I may be able to get by without doing other small things in order to get to the point of "lights out" but neglecting the Word was NOT AN OPTION.

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We get so caught up in things that we forget to listen to what He is trying to tell us.....so foolish we can be. So now my laptop stays downstairs and I make sure I am in His word before lights out. Sometimes I get to do other things if time allows, but these two things are MANDATORY for me to get a good nights rest. Do I still have sleepless nights.....yes, but I make sure I give it a good try FIRST before coming downstairs to post on one of the blogs or to do some other type of busy work.

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Also as silly as it sounds, the new kitten I brought home 2 weeks ago is a lovely distraction. It's something I never thought I'd do......but she has already been a blessing and is quite silly with HER routine at night which brings me joy. Not often I can laugh and chuckle right before bed, but with Mrs. Bennet (after the character in Pride and Prejudice for you fellow Jane Austen fans) I can count on a few smiles before she settles down. Its comforting to hear her purr not far away. This is good because this is my hardest time of the 24 hour day......this is when I miss him most, this was our time of being just the two of us with the house peaceful and quiet.