It is cold here today, our high will only reach the low fifties, maybe. I wonder if I'll be turning on the furnace this May? Tonight will tell. The sun is mostly in today but we have seen it peek out a few times, the wind is constant at about 15 mph which makes it that much brisker.
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I love wearing hubby's clothes......his barn coat which is an olive green color and one of his denim shirts are two of my favorites. So I won't complain that I can cuddle into it on days like today and feel closer to him.
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My mom is here visiting from another state.......she knew that I would be facing a few tough days and wanted to be near and to help. It is good to have them here and to have her to visit with and for the kids to have her and Papaw to break up what would be a heavy, emotional weekend.
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Tomorrow is my first mother's day without my sweet prince and also will mark 8 months of him being in Heaven with our Lord and Savior. The 9th of any month is hard. Mother's Day was not a typical Mother's Day around here as my hubby and I tried/try to teach our kids that holidays such as these are man made and TRULY we should treasure those people in our lives EVERY day, not just one day a year. We had the same belief about Easter and Christmas......those are the two holidays you see the church attendance SWELL as people feel they NEED to be there for those two holidays and then live their lives without thought of Him the rest of the year. Not that I am judging YOU, I have been there, I have not celebrated my Saviors birth and resurrection every day as I should. We need to be aware that His birth and resurrection needs to be thought of always, thankful for both always, rejoicing for both always, evermore.
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Typically a Mother's day I would get to request the menu and I would get small gifts.....but my family and kids give me small gifts daily, notes, pictures, drawings, flowers, dandelions and lilacs are my favorite to put into cups! My hubby would normally write me a special note, he didn't like to buy cards, sorry Hallmark!
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I will miss him tomorrow as much as I miss him today......the 9th is hard because I remember the day that he left, the wound feels raw again.
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Birthdays we do celebrate.......they are the day God chose to bring us into the world.....on Tuesday, my sweet prince would have been 43. We were 13 days apart and he LOVED teasing me and anyone who would listen that he married an older woman.....then of course follow it up with how much wiser that made me.....he was so funny. This day, when it comes will be difficult. Never more difficult than I will anticipate, God has proven that to me over and over. I humanly anticipate things worse than they ever turn out......that is called worry, and I am not supposed to do that.
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We plan on making his favorite meal.......corned beef brisket, potatoes, cabbage, sauerkraut and then our oldest daughter will make his favorite cake, a red, Waldorf Astoria cake, three layers with white frosting. His grandmother's recipe that she made for him years ago as a kid. It was either that or homemade cheese cake with raspberries that he requested, but most often it was his "red cake" as we call it around here. We miss showing our Daddy/hubby how much we love him, how proud of him we were, how thankful we were for him......he was so strong and such a wonderful provider, loving in so many ways.
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I find myself talking to him out loud sometimes......I know he isn't' here.....but his spirit, his strong memory of who he was will be forever in my heart and it helps to just speak his name out loud sometimes and tell him I love him......I always follow it by telling my Lord how much I love Him also because it is He who carries me through these moments. Have you TOLD the Lord lately that you Love HIM? He desperately wants to hear those words from you.....to see you live it out in your life. We all fail to do that.
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Since I am confessing.....I will also tell you there are moments that I am jealous of my God.....He has hubby with Him now and I am jealous of that. Silly, huh.
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May you feel the warmth of the SON, letting Him fill your hearts and minds with the things from above......release your hold on the worldy, earthly THINGS, those will perish, but God's love is everlasting. Let Him warm you and give you the drink so that you will never thirst again.
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