I should be asleep, but I'm not.
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I seem to be re-living our last days with him - I am so thankful for pictures - I am so thankful that I took so many - I used to feel guilt sometimes about my love of photography and scrap booking - but I don't at all now. I am thankful - God was in every detail. He knew how healing and necessary they would be to all of us - all - you included.
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I just finished going through 8/30 through 9/12 of last years photos - I felt my chest get heavier with each date as it got closer to the 9th then it was there - then the feeling of nausea as I looked at the few days after.
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Seeing the innocence and youth in my children's faces - they seem so much older now, and they are. Another year older and with the loss of their father, alot more older on the inside. They have all grown up on the inside more as they sort through this loss with me. I ache for them. I want to make it all better, I wanted to make it all better as I flipped through the pictures - wanted to say, wait - lets pause it right there Lord - yes, that Labor Day weekend when my brother and his wife were here - lets pause. Let's rewind. Rewound - that's what I'd like to be.
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The comfort I have is that my Lord is here with me - He shares my burden, He carries it for me - He is so faithful. He will help me to close my eyes and rest when I can't imagine being able to do so as these thoughts, feelings and ache are coursing through my mind and heart. I love you my dear Savior and I thank you for loving me and giving me an eternal Home.
2 comments:
Oh, girl!!!! Yes God is so faithful. Yes I know that feeling. Just stop here Lord!
Yet I look at my sweet son, our last precious gift. And praise God for His timing. This son symbolizes other things in my life as parts of me that have been born or grown through my husband's absense and depending on my Saviour all the more.
Continuing to pray for you as you go through this deeply grievous time. Press through, my friend. Comfort is on the other side.
Oh friend, as I walk through these final days with my aunt my heart aches for you so much. I relive all the memories I've had with her, look at pictures we've taken, and cherish them all. And yet, all the hurt and loss I feel does not come close to how your heart must ache every day. I love you, and pray for you often. May God continue to increase the comfort and strength He gives to you and your family.
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