Heartbreak

I ask your prayers for our youngest son......he has had a difficult week.

As I have said before we are learning that there is no preparing for these grief waves and he has had many hit him this week. The warmer weather has been such a blessing, the snow (was) gone and melted, sunshine, warmer temps meant time outside. This would ALWAYS equal more time with Daddy.

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Sunday we had our first day where the ground was not as squishy and muddy as it had been so we all went out and picked up the yard for a couple of hours. It is amazing the debris and trash that accumulates under the snow. We picked up, raked, hauled and swept. Kids were using the wheel barrow to run things to the fire pit. At one point I was walking along side and our youngest just stopped with his head down and sobbed.....missing his Daddy. We both talked about how we could picture him getting out one of the tractors for the first time and riding it around. It was not long and his big, brown eyes were smiling up at me.

*****

Last night we had a wonderful time of fellowship at some friends. The boys all went out and did some shooting.....the kids played outside the majority of the time. We got home around 9 p.m. and one of his sisters pointed out that our youngest was a little whiny about something which is highly unusual.....not long and he was in the corner of the couch crying. I sat down with him and talked.....I grabbed for the largest Daddy album sitting next to us on the table....the cover has a picture of him on it and as soon as I sat it on our son's lap he looked at the picture, caught his breath and let out a sharp cry, it was a cry of hurt and I immediately understood although I had not witnessed it happening to any of our children. He could not look at Daddy's picture at that moment....it was just too much pain.....he looked up at me confused and sobbing and I told him I understood and just held him........sometimes there are no words to say.

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It took several minutes, head rubbing and back rubbing.....few words were said....I understood the void he felt. I understand the breathtaking pain seeing him in the flesh can cause when you are in such despair. I was so sorry to have him feeling that overwhelming pain, you cannot stand to watch your child endure this. I just want it to be gone and to bear it for him....he is/was such an outdoorsy boy and enjoyed every part of it with his Daddy. Hubby would come home early from work and take our boys fishing during the first few weeks of warmer weather....just tradition.....shooting is something we all did just three days before he died. Our boy was feeling a huge void that night doing things normally done with Daddy, not without. Sometimes his absence is a huge, heartbreaking hole that doesn't feel will ever go away, a hole you could drown in .....

*****

God who is ever faithful and loves our son more than I ever could slowly calmed him, comforted him and soon he was asking for the album.....I smiled, told him how much I loved him and he looked through it for quite a while.

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I now realize Spring will bring with it more than I bargained for for this family ..... thank goodness we are in the palm of God's hands and that there are no surprises with Him.......I trust in Him.

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we covet your continued prayers ♥
(in the above picture is our youngest, he began wearing suspenders like his Daddy just weeks after his going HOME, I love it when he asks me to help clip them on some days)